December recap

Here are some photos of Kenzie since November:

baby smiles!!! <3

getting so much better at tummy time. She can hold her head up so well all the time with limited bobble head.

Kenzie's new favorite position- hanging over her daddy's leg.

enjoying the gingerbread house building with Kelly

look at those eyes!!

priceless moment that I missed. Mike was the only one home when she started laughing for the first time.

totally out

I can't get enough of baby snuggles now that I'm going back to work.

first christmas tree

I think she looks so much like her daddy here.

getting ready for a day out with Mom.

I cannot believe my little one is 11 weeks old today. 11 weeks doesn't seem like a lot of time but I also can't believe that only 11 weeks ago, my miracle was still inside of me and I was complaining that I didn't enjoy being pregnant. Everyday with her is something new and learning to be a parent has been more of a challenge than even my first year of teaching. Luckily I have a wonderful partner in Mike and with his help I know that I'm actually able to love this little girl and take care of her. Now if I could just take a breath and "offer Kenzie some grace and offer me some grace" (as my friend Amber reminded me). In addition to Mike, I've been so encouraged by positive reminders from friends (some expected and some unexpected).

I can't wait to see what she will do next!

New Photos of Kensington

Pictures from the hospital:

only moments old in daddy's arms

About an hour old, in grandma's arms

First time laying on momma in post-op recovery

Cuddling with Grandpa

1 day old

starting to turn a little bit yellow. She did have some jaundice in the hospital

getting ready to go home from the hospital

car ride home. Of course momma sat in the back seat staring the whole time

Some pictures from our first month home (some of the photos are sideways):

priceless expression! No idea what she is thinking

little smiles...cannot get enough of them

chillin

right when we brought her home, she had to continue to use her Bili blanket until the jaundice was gone.

just finished eating and now sleepy

Fall Festival at church. First family photo

homemade hat from a friend at work

peaceful sleeping :)

love this face!

hanging out with Daddy

who looks that happy when they are sleeping? Kenzie does!

she totally loved Mike playing with her

She's here- my reflections

Part of me thinks, "she's finally here....whew!" The other part of me thinks, "she's here already?" I feel like I've been wishing that I wouldn't be pregnant anymore forever and now I'm not. I can't lie, part of me really misses it, especially feeling her move around and I knew I would miss that the most.

Mommyhood is nothing like I expected. I feel like there isn't enough books you could read or people you could talk to in preparation. Every second is a surprise and I'm absolutely enraptured by my new baby every moment...even the screaming moments at 4am. I didn't think it was possible to love someone or something so instantly. No offense to my absolutely amazing husband of course but there is no way to compare the feeling.

It's almost impossible to believe that it was only two weeks ago that I suddenly went into labor and before I could blink, she was in my arms. Interestingly, in retrospect I think I knew it was coming. On Thursday morning the 13th, I woke feeling different. My right ankle was more swollen than it has ever been, even at the end of the day and I was so achy when I went to school. Mind you, I wasn't having contractions (I don't think) but I felt awful. That was the first day I felt like my students did about me being pregnant at work: "I can't believe that Mrs. Jenks is still working when she's that huge!" Even though I had a mountain of stuff I wanted to finish at school, when I was done teaching after third period, I went home. During my last class it was hard to stand, my lower back was killing me etc. I took a 2 hour nap and then went to my 37 week appointment with my OB. Since I wasn't having regular contractions she opted not to check my cervix; it is a very painful and uncomfortable process but she did put me on the fetal monitor because I mentioned that I hadn't felt Kenzie move for more than a day. By the time I left, my doc said that Kenzie's heartbeat was fine and that she'd see me in a week.

I was having a horrible time sleeping Thursday night and even sent Mike to the couch because his snoring was keeping me up. Around 2am I got up to go to the bathroom (for the zillionth time) and at exactly 2:19am when I climbed back into bed I started to feel a warm release. I so seriously thought I was experiencing incontinence and was peeing myself. I jumped backward off the bed to spare my sheets just in time for a huge, warm gush to pool around my feet. After momentary shock and to register what was happening I started yelling for Mike who coincidentally was in the other bathroom. Everything moved very quickly after that. However, here is the one thing that no one told me (yes I should have been smart enough to guess): when your water breaks, it doesn't all come out at once, it will continue to come until you deliver. I was so frazzled because I couldn't get the water to stop coming out long enough to dress to go to the hospital. We called my OB's office, called my mom, called Mike's dad, packed the rest of our stuff and then went to the hospital. Since my water broke I knew it didn't matter if I was dialated or effaced or not. I knew K was still breech so they would have to do a c-section anyway.

I think my two hours in triage were the worst of labor. I guess I was fortunate to only have about 5 contractions (all back contractions, which really suck). All I remember is being so tired and not being able to get comfortable. I'm sure a lot of people are thinking "really Leah, if that was your labor, stop complaining." My section was scheduled for 5:30 and at that time Mike and I got dressed up in our gear (Mike had way more than me), they wheeled me to OR, I sat on the gurney gripping the nurse's hand as they delivered my spinal, and was finally ready for Mike to come in and sit with me.

I don't remember my doctor saying that they were starting (Mike did and intentionally kept talking to me so I wouldn't know and panic) and at 6:29, my beautiful little girl was pulled out and held up so I could see her. Mike and I watched as they cleaned her up, weighed her, gave her shots etc. Mike held her next to my face so I could give her kisses. I cried from the second I saw her and heard her cry until she was next to me. By the time they took me to recovery, my mom and Bek, my dad, and Mike's dad had all arrived to meet their new grand daughter.

Although she is more perfect than I could describe, I am definitely struggling with managing my hormones. I cry for no reason...literally smiling to crying in a second. Kenzie won't latch on to me so I can't nurse her properly. What's worse is that I'm not pumping enough for her either. I don't even know if I am producing enough milk for her when I can get her to latch. I think this is the most devastating reality for me. I had made the decision that I was nursing her and that was it. I was so sure that I had never bothered to buy formula or bottles. In her first week, she got an eye infection (serious crusties), was constipated because of her formula, and then had horrible diarrhea. I kept thinking that if only I could figure out how to nurse her then she wouldn't be having these problems. I'm starting to relax a little more and have seen two lactation consultants to help me but I wish more than anything that I could do this one small thing for my daughter.

All in all, Mike and I are so unbelievably blessed. I look at her and I'm overcome with the love I feel and am terrified knowing that something will happen to her and she'll get hurt. Mike teases me that I just can't bubble wrap the world...gosh I wish I could.

We are in love!

Coming to the End

My time with the Fertile Myrtle Journal is coming to an end. I am 9 month pregnant with three weeks to go until my scheduled c-section, which is Oct. 31st. We really had little choice at this point but to do the c-section because our stubborn little girl is breech and I think she basically has been for most of the my pregnancy except during the first ultrasound at 12 weeks.

We visited my OB on Thursday for the start of our weekly appointments and after confirming her position I basically had two options: I could opt for the turning process at week 37 or schedule the section at week 39. After gathering all the facts about turning her, Mike and I both decided not to go that route. She is a big baby and will only be bigger at 39 weeks so it seemed like the section was the best and safest option at this point.

You know what's interesting though? I didn't realize how many people have very serious opinions and convictions about vaginal vs. section birth or getting an epidural vs. natural birth etc. What's even more amazing is that everyone is absolutely positive that the route they chose is 100% the right way to go, which is actually great for them because hopefully in most cases, each woman has had the best birthing experience. What I've started to learn for me is that I really have absolutely no control over my life, my pregnancy, my daughter's birth, whether or not I'll end up breast feeding like I plan to etc etc etc. I can rest however, in knowing that the same God of the universe who conducts the cosmos is in control of the little life inside me. I can't say whether or not a section is the best option but I know I can't tell someone else whether they should or shouldn't have one. I really want to nurse my daughter but I know that it may happen that I can't and that doesn't make me a bad mom.

In the grand scheme of our life, there are just so many things that are outside of our control and sometimes those things are very frustrating but I know that I want to be constantly grateful for the small things that I get to experience everyday. There will likely not be too many posts left here and then I'll switch back to "According to Leah." I can't believe 9 months went by so fast!

Nesting

I have heard of this phenomenon but to experience it is something different. I have been cleaning and cleaning the nursery. Will it ever be done???? We have about 9 weeks until we meet our daughter and my list of stuff to complete is just growing longer and longer:

• We have already taken a tour of the hospital and pre-registered 
• We are scheduled to take our birthing class (with Lauren and Scott) and have our maternity photos done next weekend (can't wait Courtney Sargent)
• We have an appointment to meet our potential new pediatrician in two weeks (thanks Kristy for recommending)
•  I am slowly washing and folding towels, blankets, and clothes (thanks to Grandpa for buying our new dresser and to daddy for assembling our closet storage).
• We still need to assemble the swing/jumper (not a priority yet) and install the car seats (thanks to Grandma and Grandma Bek for those).
• We still need to make a plan for child care.
• Norman and Roxie have Aunt Tami ready to take care of them!
• My long term sub is set but I have a lot of planning ahead of me to make a smooth transition for my students.
• My last master's class before the baby starts in three days (yes, it will take me up until 3 days before my due date)

I could keep going but...the point is made. Below are a couple photos of progress on the nursery:

new storage in the closet

guaranteed I will be sleeping in that rocker!

One baby highlight this past weekend was taking a tour of Scottsdale Shea hospital. We saw triage, our L&D room, and postpartum room. What great accommodations! Coolest thing ever though...the hospital has lo-jack for their babies so they can boast having never lost a child. The put a sensor on the baby's umbilical cord and if the baby gets to close to an elevator or exit, an alarm goes off. Mike is already planning his fun with this one!

Sometimes you just get down

I think the pregnancy hormones are getting the best of me. I should be so excited, tomorrow is my baby shower!!! However, I am very blue, very frustrated, and very ready to give up. You may have seen the facebook posts about the flooding in our spare bedroom, the one that is set to become the nursery. I feel like at this point my nursery should be done. We have a crib (sitting in pieces in our storage room) that was almost ruined by the water damage but no other furniture...not a thing. I keep feeling like this baby will come and we won't be ready. My house is filled with all the junk we were storing in that room (which admittedly we had to clean out eventually) but it is depressing sitting among so much crap.

I can celebrate completing my first week of school successfully and loving my students but of course I couldn't get through the week without a parent asking when I was due and replying "oh my god, are you serious?" Really, is this necessary? I already feel like an elephant is gestating inside of me and look like it too (my back and stretch marks agree). Dr. Crum says my blood pressure is a little high and I'm anxiously awaiting the results of my glucose test. My silver lining is very thin and I just feel bummed. I'm hoping I can attribute my up and down emotions to the raging hormones and not me just losing my sanity.

Sigh, it's not always fun being pregnant.

Things I could not have guessed about being pregnant

1. I would not be able to wear my engagement ring after 24 weeks because my fingers are swollen and the ring almost got stuck.

2. I would always look about three months farther along than I really am and I everyone I see would feel free to gawk incredulously making comments that I must be carrying twins or triplets, I am going to have a huge baby, or surely I am ready to pop.

3. Tying my shoes would become an increasingly impossible task. Can I say, thank Jesus for my extremely gracious husband?

4. Even though everyone says that all pregnant women are beautiful, I feel gross and huge all the time...and I STILL HAVE 3 MONTHS TO GO!

5. tums would become my new favorite candy

6. I would love love love feeling my baby kick and move around no matter what the hour.

7. My husband would become emotional just talking about walking our daughter down the aisle someday.

8. As my sister-in-law likes to say "when did my private parts become not so private?" It's amazing what people will ask you about pertaining to the areas you usually only discuss with your doctor.

9. sitting up, laying down, rolling over, sitting down, bending over, standing up, and crouching over would make me feel like I'm a 90 year old woman with arthritis.

10. Walking from one department store to another would take my breath away and make my heart race.

11. I could fall in love with a baby hat!

I have several pg friends that should collaborate with me to write a book about these things.